Funny, informative, entertaining, insightful, well-produced, well-presented, everything a Tuesday night TV experience should be. You all watched Charlie Brooker's 'Newswipe' last night, right?

Earlier in the evening ITV1 screened the BRITs, the UK record industry's grand night out. I didn't go this year, and I never watch it on TV, so my review of the evening is based entirely on the comments of the 2.9 million people who tweeted from or about the event.

So, here goes. Peter Kaye was shit, the Spice Girls tedious, Liam Gallagher an arse, Kasabian boring, Lady Gaga irritating, Fearne Cotton retarded and Prince Harry unnecessary, Cheryl Cole is very bad at miming and Robbie Williams simply confirmed he's long past his prime as a performer. Oh, and Calvin Harris didn't think much of the food. Is it just me, or do the Twitterati tend to err towards the negative by default?

Anyway, let's talk winners. Lady Gaga enjoyed the biggest awards horde of the night winning three gongs, while JLS won two, and the special awards to mark the BRITs' thirtieth anniversary confirmed that Oasis and the Spice Girls are the best thing to happen in British music in the last three decades.

Hey, if that previously reported list of the best selling iTunes downloads ever didn't make you suicidal, then those BRIT stats probably will. Tip: I hear there's a special deal on British heroin at the moment, free anthrax with every pack.

Here's your BRIT winner list for 2010:

British Female Solo Artist: Lily Allen
International Female Solo Artist: Lady Gaga
British Male Solo Artist: Dizzee Rascal
International Male Solo Artist: Jay-Z
British Group: Kasabian
British Breakthrough Act: JLS
International Breakthrough Act: Lady Gaga
Critics' Choice: Ellie Goulding
Producer: Paul Epworth

British Single: JLS - Beat Again
British Album: Florence And The Machine - Lungs
International Album: Lady Gaga - The Fame

Brits Performance Of 30 Years: Spice Girls Wannabe/Who Do You Think You Are (1997)
British Album Of 30 Years: Oasis - (What's The Story) Morning Glory?

Outstanding Contribution To Music: Robbie Williams